I’ve been singing for a while

It is 12:01 am and I have no idea why I am thinking about music (although I love music). I have been singing (most likely) ever since I could talk. I remember my stages of choral singing also. I started off in the third grade in the chorus at the Angelo School.  I had a teacher names Ms.Durma and I loved her. I stopped going to chorus after a while because my friends stopped going and I was too scared of going alone. (I still have that trait of not wanting to go places or talking to people alone). Then I went off to middle school and joined the chorus there. I spent three years apart of the North Junior High School chorus under the direction of Mr.St.Hilaire. I believe in the 6th grade I got the solo in the song “All I Want For Christmas”. Kids still remember when I sang that. During my 7th grade year I started the Boston Children’s Chorus. My last year in the middle school I sang the National Anthem at our 8th grade graduation. I was so nervous but I did it.

Then I went onto High School. I decided not to join the chorus because I have been to my brothers concerts when he was singing in Concert Choir. Also, besides that I was and still am a member of the Boston Children’s Chorus. I was apart of their Concert Choir. I loved BCC and their mission but I didn’t like being there. During my stay in Concert Choir, I always hated going to rehearsals. Although I am half black and half white, I always felt like the white kids looked at me differently or would rather not talk to me. I also did hang out with the colored girls more than the white girls. But still, it was just mean. I also hated going because I felt like the piano player during rehearsals always gave me these bad looks…Im not sure if it was just her personality. Still, it made me feel weird. I just hated going and being in a place like that especially since I loved music. In the end, the sounds we made were gorgeous but still, I felt separated.

I guess that had a huge impact on me. A small part of BCC’s mission is to create bring our community together, sing for equality, and to represent ourselves as the ambassadors of harmony of Boston. I didn’t see any of that, or maybe I was so close minded. I got so mad at the organization and so mad at music. I really wanted to quit singing. I even told my conductor that I was not returning that year. I told her about all the things I learned at school that BCC taught but failed to realize that I didn’t understand just because everyone else got it. She told me that the organization needed me. Actually, she told me the organization needed “Someone like me”. She said that kids from Brookline and Newton would never have the chance to sing with someone that looks like me..I kinda didn’t know how to take that after I realized what it could possibly mean, but I brushed that away,.

I decided to stay with this whole singing thing. I decided that I cant just drop something that I once loved. Maybe Ill learn to love it again. I think I do love it but maybe im just tired and lazy. I also got promoted to the most advanced choir in the organization and I don’t know why. I don’t even feel like im good. Some part of me thinks that i was moved up because I wanted to quit and didn’t,,but its whatever. I am excited for the new year and I am excited for what it is going to bring me.

 

OH YEAH! I am also going to be the Soprano Section Leader in Concert Choir when the school year starts (that is also something I didn’t  ask for but I mean, I guess I am good ) lol .